Im too Tierd to stay out late - or even up past 10!

BED - The most wonderfully invention in the world!

when youve had a hard days slog at work,or maybe just doing papper wrok from your job, or essays from school,college or university , you are understandably tired.

now, of course everyone is different, some people are morning people, and some are children of the night.
in general i am a morning person, i rarely sleep past 10pm, and its a compleete anomoly or once a year thing if i stay asleep past midday

so - why am i always tierd?!
this can come down to several aspects.
1st being, that, as everyone one is differnt, people have different thresholds for how well they can funtion on varying quantities of sleep - understandable

second, is the varaiation of stamina between individuals - which can be improved upon perhaps by regular excersice, something which anyne can find hard to get into

Finaly we can bring it back to dyspraxia. ive had several dicusiions with the suport staff at my university, and done a bi of reading along with conversations with friends whom i know have varying levels of dyspraxia. what we have established is often, people with dyspraxia have poorly toned muscles, or that be cause of the way they use their body which may be unusal from other "more abled" people that more energy is used for tasks of the same degree.

in the past this didnt effect me too much, i mean there always a kid in Physical education who is a bit rubish, slow, unflexible, or has poor hand eye co-ordinatio, so whilst i knew i wasnt at the same physical sate as the so calle d"sporty" kids  i didnt realise that other children, would be doing the same amunt of work as me in school,doing several hours work, or play on getting home, and often not sleepng till midnight, but it having no effect on their energy. myself hwever, would get tierd just walking the ten minuts to the bus, read on the bus, and take a futher hour to relax once getting home before atempting homework . no matter how much home work i had, i found it dificult to focus any later than 8or 9pm, and was always in bed by 10 oclock at night.

ok, so, i was tierd more, but it was hidden, and on sleepovers, yes i was the first to fall asleep, but i could stay awake through distractions of conversations and films on those nights


But How did this tranfer once i started going out or going to university?
naps - naps are a god send to students, so if i knew i was going out in an evening, i would take a nap befor hand, and more often a nap the day after having been out, though still going to bed by 11pm at the latest and having a long sleep, getting my full ten hours, despite the extra sleep id had to balance out going out.

The Problem didnt show itself untill i enterd the second term of my university year.
I got myself a job - perfectly normaly, twice a week, a fiver hour shift both times, earl start, lunch time end. being used to early mornings from school, there was no problem. in fact some one with dyspraxia can benifit from a job as it provides routien an order which is significantly decreased when moving from colege or 6th for to university. where previously you had a 9-5 5 day week, with ocasional hour, or half days off, you suddenly could , if your are lucky enough, go to a 6 hour week, and potentiall 3 or 4 day weekends.

this sudden lack of sturucture left me with a sence of aimless nes and i found myself wating time and finding i had sooo much free time i couldnt motivate myself to complete tasks.

so having obtained a job, i found myself working harder to alot time for tasks due to having longer known periods that i wouldnt be working. i also had the night before each shift where i chose to not go out, but stay in, have an early night, or get some work done.

i started going out less, though, some how managed to go out maybe once a week at most.
what i didnt realise is that by leaveing anywhere between 11pm and 3am i was offending people becuse i "was going home early"
may i just state the 3 occasions i went home before midnight, were because i had been doing extra hours at work, or already been out twice that week, combined with starting "pre- drinks" at 8 , meaning by the time we left i was drunk already,, and as drink makes me sleepy as it is, i didnt feel i would cope going out, or be happy out, which would have upset the others.

this offence was dicussed and i ecplained i wasnt leeving early due to not enjoying their company, or beng bored,, but merly exaustion.

to date i have only suceeded in stayin out past 2 :30 twice - once until4 and another till 4:30.these were due to not having been out early, and having so much fun that i didnt notice the time fly - so it would seeme njoyment is certainly a factor, but oth times i hadnt been out at all for the two weeks leading up to it.


so, normaly ill stay out till2/ 2:30. and now its not a problem.
but a second problem presented it self during the revision period
now , everyone is again different.

some people will revise during the day time, others will sleep through most of the day, starting revision late afternoon, staying up untill midnight or later -following the same time pattern as they would if going out.

this highlighted diferences again

Working with a group of friends n the library gave motivation - if they were working, i felt motivated to be doing the same.its phyclogical basicaly.

however, i tended to have breakfast, bring lunch and snacks with me and then go home for dinner.
on rare ocasions i would have dinner and return, or pack a dinner. yet, on average i stop revision at 7pm. with 10pm being my latest. i desperatly needed sleep as i couldnt concentrate.

my peers were different.
their day startetd as early as 7 or as late as 2pm, with it ending at their earlyest of 9pm, and their latest being half midnight, when, on one occasion they decided to go for impromptue drinks the next day as a reward.

this promptly ment their comradery as with going out, was increased through their shared revision and drink time. and it was promtly forgotten i had spent the best part of the day revsinig with them too - mafde clear by statuses saying theyd had great days in the library, naming everyone, bar me, despite being their 9 till 9.

It also left me seeming, from their view, to not be putting in as much effort, or dedication. i wasnt working as hard as them, they thought. after all, throughout the day i had taken 20 minit breaks every 2 hours, and a hour break for lunch.they how ever had had may a 20 min lunch and 5 or 10 min breaks every 3 or 4 hours.
therfore i felt looked down upon,in such a way as to be made to feel small, useles or like i wasnt worth being with them because i wasnt trying as much as them. when infact, i was going the extent of my ability, knowing i had a high need for sleep and routiene, just as they were following their own capasity.


The problem being that everyone is different - yet very few people know or can handle this.



Solution? - well i have options
evaluate my friendships - are they true freinds if they belitle me and make me feel small? probably not.
and as i dont enjoy their form of going out,it makes me les of the group, and negativly effects my emotions.


i have other friend whom prefer similar interests to me, like a nice meel out - this happend recently and we established it was much preferd as a way of socializing as we were able to relax, not worry about loosing eachother or inibitions, catch up, and socialize more effectivly.

wilst going out may seem a key university factor. i think i have lernt to go out regularly with 1 group only, in drinking terms, and try to avoid spreadin myself over several social areas - ie decided which group i enjoy to go out dancing with, the group that likes similar locations and music, as its more fun, and my ability to last increases.

Also - find other ways to socialize - meals out, walks, sports, cinema etc. even just a cup of tea or coffe or beverage of some kind at home or at a cafe after lectures to catch up, and relax.

do the socializing which suits you best - whilst i love all my friends, i am going to try to find ways of socializing with them which suit my abilitys more,night in rather than nights out. and if they dont want to do those sorts of things ever.well its sad, but obviously ive made a poor friendship decision and should stick to those whom  take me as i am, and whoss versions of socializing enjoyment more closly resemble mine - after all, if you dont enoy something, it tends to show, and anoys people who have invited you along for fun,as you can bring everyone down, or disapoint them through a percieved lack of effort.



To sumize then?
going out isfine for some and not for others, im going to work on all my relationships,but i believe that these friend i only see out at night for drinking are less my friends or group, as i only join them on occasion, so am not privey to in jokes etc as im more a visitor and easily forgotten.

Where groups form - either go one on one (or small 4 person groups), or be in the group that likes more relaxed socializeing, those are my true friends. - find the similarities, and focus on them



i hope this blog post has givemn some insite to the ways of not just people with dyspraxia, but to all the differnt people and atitudes that exsist.
dont be offended if people cant stay out as late, be apreciative that they came, and provide other options, both parties should comprimise - a life long learning lesson for all.


As always - any questions on posts - if you have an insite you wish to share, or you want more specific information etc, just post and ill do my best to explain using real  experiences and examples.

Thanks for reading!


Esme