cant stand change
to the degree my parents have to tell me if they are even contemplating something which might not even happen so i can get comfortable with the idea in my head before anything even remotly related to this occourance can happen.
change indicates a loss of control to me and i need structure and stabiklity as many people with dyspraxia do. sometimes my mum tole me it would be easier to say i was autistic than dyspraxic as people would understand it more.
so why am i writing today?
i just had, and ams till recoverin from, a massic panic attack!
my symtoms :
- uncontrolable crying
- shaking
- dificulty breathing, swalowing/lump in throat
- inabiity to speak or make more than asmal noise
- inability to move
- feeling like i looked like a crazy person
- lack of control - happening to someone elce?
The reason
I came home and my mum had moved all of my stuf in my room - dvd's were all wrong,puzzles id wanted to do are ow in the loft, boxes have been moved or replaced, personal spaces where i keep photos of my parents pre divorced had been rearanged.
basicaly the one place i felt safe had been invaded and all control had been removed.
"normal" teens would react in one of 2 ways
option a - the option my mum had wanted " awww, wow my room is all tydy, (happy)
obtion b - ah feck i have no idea where anything is now shes moved it, how annoying (frustrated/ irritated)
me - pure fear.
stupid realy but thats a more extreem example of not likeing change mayb it came about frm my parents divorce if u wanna analyse me but oi think in part ive always been this way.
the only warning id had ws mum saying shed moved my books - id done my best to tydy my room and placed books under my bed so she could clean. ths ws way more than moveing my books
everthing tht cd be mooved, has been moved.
i feel iu should say more on the subject, but its been 2 hours and ive still not quite calmed down. honestly coudnt speak. at all. other to say disjointed wrods when realy focuisn. i can now almost speak but its still difficult. yes i can type but tht doesnt envolved to much focus as my hands wont stop shhaking n idgeting anyways so this is helping to get my feelings out and calm me down.
so - moral - WARN your child of any changes, how ever minor or kind they may seem. if they feel they have lost control etc it can be very scarey. change things gradualy or, if its a large change talk about it before hand and work together to implima=ent the change - when id first rearagend my room it was ok as i did it over a long period and had full control
How do you fix this?
my mum kept saing she couldnt undo it - she was evidently lost ad distresd by my reaction but i ws to distresed myself. a hug would have helped. even if the child doesnt respond it has suposedly been provd to lower heart rate.
How elce?
i found writing down my feelings because i physicaly couldnt speak a good emotional release, along with crying and squeezing stress balls.
Finaly if you child feels they lost control, help them regain it
i felt masivly better once id reorganised my dvds back into the order they had been when i left, and unpacking various items and putting them in places arround the room similar to where they would be if i was at university, to alow me to regain a sence of familurality.
by making it feel more like sething i recognise im less frightend. analyse this how you will but i canot stres how important it is to be carful about anychanges around chilldren with dyspraxia. not everyne will be effected as strongly as i was, but if they are, it can leave them feeling frightend of themselves because of the unexpected strong adverse reaction to something they can recgonise would not effect others so strongly.
i have never felt so different to other people as i have tonight
dont wory tho. im startin to feel better. its now 1 am and im getting there. i will watch a film i lo ve to help me feel more normal.
Esme
p.s may i shd point out my room hasnt changed without my partial or full envolvment since before my parents divorced whn i ws 11.. and tht ws just giving me new curtains and matching dovey set whilst i was at my grandparents house for the week so hardly rearanging all surface items along wiht personal boxes of memorys etc which were looked at only by me... invasion of privacy and space doesnt begin to explain how it made me feel...
